Yep, new blog (well actually new, as in several weeks).

Idk…I’m kind of caught between blogger and wordpress atm. For now, I’ll just post in whichever one I feel like at the time.

Sometimes I feel so sad and so much that I wonder if I’m not already dead.

Sometimes I feel like I live in a never ending stream of fictional lives that I wonder who I really am anymore.

Sometimes I feel so alone yet never tell a soul.

Most of the time I talk to myself about sad things and I don’t know how to stop.

Can’t seem to make up my mind which blog I like better! I don’t know. Here’s a post just to keep things alive.

Haven’t been doing much in the holidays, mostly just doing homework, watching TV, reading and playing video games.

I’m boring you already aren’t I?

I write sometimes too. Writing is my socially acceptable form of being schiznophrenic.

Probably one of my only ones.

THE NEW DOCTOR WHO IS AIRING!! This makes me so happy. Now I have something to look forward to again every week. As well as Vampire Diaries – I don’t care that it goes along with the latest fad for vamps; it’s clever and funny and has a brilliant cast. Everything – the script, the cast, the story just work together really well. I haven’t really watched many other vampire TV but I can definitely vouch that is better developed than Twilight. I don’t what’s with that these days, sometimes I think that the producers think that just putting a Robert Pattinson scene with his shirt off will make it automatically a block buster? Robert Pattinson died for me when Cedric Diggory died. This is the true extent of Voldemort’s evil! HE KILLED CEDRIC DIGGORY SO ROBERT PATTINSON COULD BE INTO EDWARD CULLEN.

Anyway. Now I’m just impatiently waiting to get the next copy of Frankie magazine and idling away the rest of my holidays.

Genetics exam tomorrow. Yay.

I look at other people and I think of myself and I can never imagine myself being them. Why is that?

I don’t really do many things that normal teenagers can do like wooting and making silly poses. I’m also slightly uncomfortable around boys. I’m better now than what I used to be but I just really find being alone with one….awkward. I just don’t know how to act. Sure, I used to be a tomboy, man I love video games and sci fi and so many boy-ish things but I simply do not understand how to talk to a guy normally or be myself. I just stiffen and everything I say comes out forced.

I DON’T GET THIS AT ALL. Why do all the other girls always just seem to have this natural air of confidence around boys. I feel like I’m from a completely different parallel dimension from them. It’s mental.

I have little self-confidence. It bugs the crap out of me.

But then reality crashes back in and I am rushed back into the mundane hum drum routine of things. One thing I know for certain: I will definitely sorely miss those days of sleeping in until noon. I really hate mornings. In no way can I ever possibly be described a morning person. I hate how your eyes feel so heavy with sleep and every step you take is just such a drag. But I guess that’s mostly semi-insomniac me’s fault.

My new classes are hectic, school uniform regulations even more so. This year is promising the return of the enforcement of hideous school hats and extremely long unrolled up sleeves and skirts. Ugh. School blows. I’m hoping to start doing an accelerated HSC course this year though so that should be interesting. I intend to keep my priorities straight this year so no more procrastinating and more studying. Mostly I just really want to know I can do this and it would up my chances of getting into the Philo HSC Distinction Course in ’12.

I also need to get a job. It would be really nice to get a decent amount of money these days and I need to have something useful to do in the times when I just slack off at home. I saw a sign up for a job at the local supermarket yesterday so I’m going to try applying for that first but if I don’t get in, I’ll have to apply round some retail stores at the shopping centre.

Humm, I feel like cookies and cream. And tea.

So I pretty much blue-tacked the majority of my room walls with posters (just when you think there are enough Doctor Who and Star Wars posters already haha..) and quotations today. When I finish, I think with a tinge of regret “It looks a bit…busy, much?”

Ugh, lately I’ve been feeling the constant urge for something new. Something different. Something not. Me. I just feel so sick of the person I am these days. I want to be free from stupid expectations and personality defaults. I want to stop hating myself and forget about it all. Forget about everything that makes feel ashamed and silly. And stop lying to myself. I do it so much that sometimes I don’t even know what is the truth anymore.

To live life with reckless abandon. No regrets. Stop wishing for a future that will never come soon enough. Forever is made of nows.

But most of all, I just want to know so badly that I won’t live my life in vain.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t decide properly my thoughts on Doctor Who until I finished the entire series and every episode associated to it (excluding the spin-offs). And now I have.

And I think it is absolutely fantasticly brilliant. There are just no words to explain how much I love, love, love this show.

It’s the kind of show that when you watch you just can’t think about much else.

And David Tennant? He’s just so, so, so great and I can’t find many words that could possibly explain how amazing he is either. I am extremely sad that he had to go and die…and regenerate. It’s just so devastating the idea that there will never be any more DW episodes of the tenth Doctor ever again. Ten will always THE Doctor to me.

But also I’m kind of half-excited to see Matt Smith as the new Doctor as well. Because while Doctor Who was very much all about David Tennant when he was Ten, Doctor Who was also very much about Christopher Eccleston when he was Nine. So I’m expecting pretty much about the same for Series 5 (or whatever they’re going to call it) but as far as I’m concerned, David Tennant can’t ever possibly be topped. I think it’s also the fact that he was a DW fan prior to becoming the tenth Doctor that gave Ten much of his energy and character and just general brilliance. I am all for fans becoming actors.

Um, haha…so I haven’t really blogged much these past holidays as I thought I would because I A) spent most of time watching a lot of TV show marathons (on my computer mostly as I hardly ever watch TV shows when they’re actually on TV) when I should have been looking and getting a job and B) haven’t really had much exciting things happening.

And that was a paragraph that could be justly described as one my former English teacher would very much dislike (she finds the grammatical structure of the A)s and B)s very disagreeable, I personally think it’s a bit unkind of her to say so, I have grown kind fond of using my grammatically incorrect sentence structure).

Which reminds me, summer holidays are coming to an end very soon. Which makes me feel equally this hybrid of excitement and dread at the same time. It is very bizarre and I really don’t know what to think.

So the last few weeks of school holidays have been great. Mostly me slacking off, being anti-social and slacking off. I went down to Sydney a couple of times to either A. Visit my family or B. Shop around CBD.

When I visit my family they would constantly exclaim how tanner my skin was getting and cries of  ”Where have you been?!” and I would in return, give them despondent replies along the lines of  ”No, I didn’t go anywhere, I’m a vampire aka. antisocial hermit, I stay in the house all day” Unless you count the fluorescent glow of my lamp light enough to make my skin darker. I seriously don’t understand it. I go outside even less now that I don’t have to go to school but my skin is darker than when school was going on. Irony. Story of my life.

Slacking off mostly involves 1) TV show marathons 2) Zelda 3) Manga/Anime 4) Drawing 5) Internet.

Talking of which, here are a list of TV shows that I have gotten in to these past few weeks:
* One Tree Hill (still watching atm)

* Dollhouse (finished season 1, I want season 2 so badd D| Joss Whedon is a crazy genius and if you watched that last unaired episode of season 1, you’d definitely be sucked in for good – there’s just something about post-apocalyptic settings that makes people crazy for more)

* Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles (I haven’t watched any of the Terminator movies but this show was amazing. Except for the extremely crappy awful epic of a last episode where it was left on just about the hugest cliff hanger EVER since the show was then discontinued)

*Vampire Diaries (Surprisingly not really a rip-off Twilight, female lead is annoying but then again I think it’s a trend in these vampire movies/tv/lit. stuff)

And that’s about all the TV shows I’ve watched.  And wow, Andy (the New Zealand guy in One Tree Hill)  is super cute.  I am such a sap for accents. Especially New Zealand and British ones |D

On accents, I’ve also recently realised that it’s actually not the accents itself that is so positively endearing sometimes. It’s the person’s voice coupled WITH the accent. As for myself, I think there are others who work the Aussie accent better and more definitively than me.